Runs With Scissors was a Native Gnomalian who accompanied Chin and May on their expedition to find Batfink.


Runs with Scissors was born in the Confederation of Brevaria, located on the eastern shore of the Naw-Wa Canal. He was a part of the Momifuktaw tribe, and was raised to be a priest. When he turned sixteen, his village was invaded by the Maco-Courtnorian Empire, which he barely escaped. He fled all the way to the Malan Territory, where he was taken in after reaching the Juicemon Embassy.

He left the embassy after six months, but could not return to now fully occupied Naw-Wa. He took his learning of Native religion and traveled north, where he met Pinkarific the Vile, who had escaped after dethroning the Emperor of Nortmaydia. They took refuge in the woods of Okawa, before going on an expedition to Dilexico.

They entered the capital and immediately came under attack, as a reward had been put on her head. Runs With Scissors had learned of her deed, and turned her in to the Dilexicans. They gave him the reward, but he went unheard of even after what he had done.

He soon returned to Okawa, where he founded a village and called out to all Natives to come and turn the village into a great Native city. His call was kinda answered, growing the village into a small town in the middle of the woods. They had achieved a self-sufficient local economy, but as it grew, crime began to become a problem. In the nearby mountains, a hero of the night suddenly stopped the criminals. His name was Batfink.

Batfink Expedition

Years later, his people brought in two prisoners, Empress Chin and Emperor May. The two explained that they were on an expedition to find the mythical Batfink, who Runs With Scissors had become close allies with. He asked why, and they said that they had rampant crime in their countries, but Runs With Scissors told them Batfink had run away years ago, but offered to help them find him. The three then left the town, into the new Juicemon territory of New Dilexico.

Batfink logo

The engraving

After many weeks in the hot deserts of New Dilexico, they came across a tall mountain range, with something carved into the side. They slowly climbed the mountains, and came upon what it was: the words BATFINK engraved with a series of bullet holes.

They entered the cave, and saw it was indeed Batfink's base, with Batfink right there. They went up to the hero, and Runs With Scissors begged him to help them with their crime issues. Batfink was resistant at first, as he told them he wanted to settle down and retire. It was then that May hit Chin in the stomach out of nowhere, causing Batfink to rush over and defend Chin. May told him that that was proof he could not resist helping others, and Batfink agreed, and decided to help them. Chin, May and Batfink thanked Runs With Scissors and left for Gnomalia, and Runs With Scissors began the journey back to his village.